Regular viewers of Kalyanamalai SUN TV program, would have observed that nearly 90% of the brides introduced by thiru Kalyanamalai Mohan in the program, prefer a husband who will love her, support her and be with her. Similarly, the grooms always look forward for a bride, who can adjust with his family and do things that are liked by him. These are considered to be their basic expectations. They must certainly be having a number of other expectations. The home making journey of the couple, will begin and continue happily, only, when they make sincere efforts to understand and fulfill the expectations of the other.
Don’t Try to Adjust – Just Accept Your Partner
A marriage bonds the two families, increases the member number and above all, brings in lifelong affinity between two individuals. It converts the hitherto I and me elements, into we and ours, to give them a universal approach . Most of the times, it is the wife who enters into an altogether different lifestyle, always tries to adjust and live with the situation.
Modern day psychiatrists have cautioned that adjusting to the situation, do not yield positive results in the long run. They instead suggest the couple to, accept the other as they are. Either the wife can accept the changes that she has to undergo, without showing any resentment or the husband can accept her as it is without enforcing the changes on her. Such an attempt, though create problems in the beginning, will actually strengthen the companionship between the couple, allows him/her to get adopted to others demand naturally to endure the married life.
Don’t Try to Prevail – Just Persuade
Normally, the newly married couple will start facing the problems, soon after the waning of initial love and interest between them. Each of them will try to prevail on the other enforcing his/her ideas calling it as right. When they fail in their attempt, it results in a bitter ego clash and brings in further rifts. Instead, when he/she is sure that the partner is wrong, they should never try to prevail on her/him, instead should try to persuade without hurting her/his ego for better results.
Don’t Do Self Promotion – Just Play it Normal
Most of the couples, especially the male, indulge in self promotion during the first few months, after the marriage. Such self promotion by him is normally indulged, to boost up his personal reputation in the mind of the new partner. While, such harmless self promotion impresses the partner, any excess of it or its encroaching into the other sensitive areas, will normally backfire. Remember, such self promotion or build up of facts, normally creates a negative impact, in the mind of your partner. If you want to be safe with your partner, just play it right and normal.
Don’t Try to Power Your Way – Just Make Your Approach Passive
Indian society is currently undergoing a transition. It is no more a purely male dominated one. It is expected to become either neutral or women dominated soon. With women getting equal opportunities in education and employment, the mutual approach between the couple also needs a fresh look. Though most of the present day couples have understood the need and get attuned to the change, still some of them live in the past. It is an undeniable fact that a passive approach brings in a friendlier and more conducive atmosphere than a powered talking.
Don’t Make Haste Moves – Just Give Time to Simmer
In India it is a practice for the bride to join and move to her husband’s house after the marriage. While a newly wed groom may find it easy to move with his in-laws and command respect, it is not that easy for a newly wed bride. She will have initial hiccups to get unified with her husbands family. It is essential for the husband to stay with his wife, put her at ease in the initial transition period.
He must develop an ideal relationship, without making haste moves to thrust the changes in her. Instead, he must allow her to retain her originality and get tuned to the changes, where it is very essential. The effective role played by the husband, in assisting his wife to have a quick rapport with his parents, relatives and others, will increase her belonging feeling. He must never allow the entry of any third person including his parents into the affairs during the simmering period and complicate the issue.
Don’t try to Dominate – Just Learn to Play a Second Fiddle
While, a male physically dominates a family, a female lead it with her special intuition power. She is endowed with multi-tasking capabilities and a sense of security. When a husband understands these special attributes of her and plays a supportive role it helps in the financial growth of the family in the long run.
Don’t promote Diffidence – Just Encourage Confidence
It is quite common among the men, to behave over confidently, to suppress their inferiority complex. Some of them will depict such complex in words when their wife earns more income than they. The wife should learn to approach it with sympathy in order to induce self-confidence in their husband’s mindset.
Don’t Compete – Just be in Equal Standing
It is no more a problem for a present day husband to join his wife in the house chores. It is important for the wife to not to compete with the husband on the sharing of household work, complicate it into an ego problem. Instead they must make it happen in a normal way on neutral grounds.
Don’t Complicate Your Intimate Times into Complex ones – Just Learn to Live Them with Confidence
It is a fact that most of the married couple is endowed with wrong and incomplete ideas about their very private life. They often find that their theoretical book knowledge has no relevance to their practical living. They must learn to worry only about their personal likings and that of their partner nothing else. They must quickly find a neutral ground uninhibitedly to build up a healthy relationship. Only mutual trust and empathy for the partner will endow them to have an enduring and exciting private life.