Recently I had attended the sathabishekam of an old couple. Incidentally, it was also their 60th marriage year celebration day. When the marriage took place the groom was just 19 years old and the bride was 15 years old.
In the evening, I took the time to interact with the old man, to know his ideas about the role of a husband, in keeping the marriage productive and successful. Though, some of the things he had mentioned may not suit the present scenario, but most of his experiences will certainly help the young married grooms or those who look forward to marry. I am sharing his ideas in his own words.
Continue to show your affection
I always keep my wife in high esteem and show her my affection. I showed the same level of warmth over all the years and it did not decline even once. I had never allowed my personal emotions or stresses to envelop me while being with her. I took care to draw a line between my personal problems and my affection towards her.
Never persist to point-out the weaknesses
I believe that all of us have some weakness or other. Some of such weaknesses can be corrected and some of them will remain with us till our death. In the past, while I had helped my wife to overcome some of her weak points, I never had insisted on her becoming 100% perfect. In fact, while helping her to correct her weaknesses, I had requested her to assist me to overcome my own weaknesses. This has helped both of us to understand each others weaknesses. While, we could get rid of some of our weaknesses, we learned to adjust and live with the others.
Managing difference of opinion
I know it is impossible for a married couple to live without having a difference of opinion or a fight over about who is right in all their life. We too had differences of opinions, but the developed understanding had helped us to manage such occasions without making a shouting.
During every such differences we took care to listen to the opinion of the other without passing a judgment and always stopped our discussion at a point. We allowed our ideas to simmer and surface again after two days. Invariably, we found that such an attempt always brings new clarity on the suggested opinions and the best idea was chosen despite the fact who originated it.
Difference of opinions did creep into our lives too. But we learnt to manage them without shouting at the other. I never called my wife with unpalatable names or branded her ideas as negative anytime. Also, we took care to not to argue on any subject before our children when they were young. We always took their opinion when they become old.
Do things that are important to her too
From the day one, I took care not to be selfish by doing things that are important to me by ignoring her. I invariably accompanied her to whatever place she wanted me to join her. In the process she had learnt about my preferences and comfort level. This has enabled her to invite me to only to those places that are comfortable for both of us and not to all the places. I know her preferences and had never compelled her into doing things that are not easy for her.
Don’t allow your emotions to initiate a distance between you
I know that some of the couples of our age which includes our relatives don’t talk for a week or more when they develop difference of opinion or fight. They will maintain a stoic silence between themselves during the period. I had seen their chocked and flared-up emotions will always result in the use of most hurting words when they open up next time. I had never allowed it to happen between me and my wife. We too had fights and difference of opinions but they never lasted for more than an hour or two.
Maintain your Attraction
I always try to be attractive to her and never allowed my age to overtake my personal hygiene or dress consciousness. I don’t dress too conservatively and had never interfered with the dressing preferences of my wife, because both of us know each others taste.