When I completed my interaction with the old man, he had suggested me to talk with his wife to know her secrets in their happy and long marriage. His suggestion itself had provided me the clue about the amount of understanding the couple enjoy between themselves.
Contrary to my expectations the old woman, who was 75 plus, expressed a number of progressive ideas blending with her own experience. Her husband sat with her all through the interaction, without making any interference in the conversation, a rarity among the old.
Do not suspect his fidelity without a valid reason
During the olden days very few women had opted for employment and our husbands never or rarely worked along with a woman colleague. But, now more women are employed along with men in every field of work and the number of working couples has also increased. Now the official nature of the work demands both men and women to work together on a project. The same project may also call for their travel and work together at a foreign site for months. Under the circumstances it is essential for both the husband and wife to have faith in each other without suspecting each others fidelity. Especially, the women who are more possessive and emotional, should not jump into conclusions perilling the harmony of the family without verifying the facts.
Allow him to have his freedom space
Every married male will have the urge for his freedom, which is also known as own space. In most of the cases it simply means he wants to be alone without you with his friends. It is perfectly normal for a male to make such request and no harm or offence meant by that as long as such a request was not preceded by a verbal fight.
Most of the husbands will spend the time with their friends or use the time for their hobbies. My husband used such undisturbed time for his garden hobby or reading books. But I found that such sessions really filled much of his self esteem and allowed him to come back with more affection.
I think it applies to both the husband and the wife and the couple should learn to respect the private space of the other.
Tolerate their freakish hobbies
Most of the present day young men are possessive about nonliving objects such as electronic gadgets, home theatre system, bikes, boats and cars. Some of them may even pay special care and love towards them than their own wives. In the olden days my husband was mad about his Baby Austin car. I had never asked or questioned him on his spending more time with the car, instead I also learned to help him whenever he was attending to his car. In due course he lost his charm over the car and turned his full attention towards me.
Accept him as he is
No man is complete without inadequacies. Accept your husband as he is and search for the best qualities in him instead of his inadequacies. Never try to compare him with your unseen dream man or the one in the neighbourhood. My husband was brought up in such an environment where he had no occasion to go to the kitchen. When I married my husband, he was not knowing even how to light the stove and make hot water. I understood his brought up, talked with him and learnt his interest to gain knowledge on cooking. Being a fast learner, he learned all the cooking recipes I knew within six months and become an expert cook but only for our family.
Never disrespect the in-laws
It may seem to be a very old advice but still valid in today’s context. Most of the present day parents have opted for single child norm during the last two decades. This has resulted in more intimate relationship between the parent and the child (girl or boy). A majority of them were employed, self-dependent and were not seeking the support of their son or daughter for survival. Under the circumstances it becomes essential for both the wife and the husband give the utmost respect to their in-laws.
Some of the other things that came in the discussion include why it is essential to convey your needs without raising the voice and sharing of the financial problems. Finally she said with a smile that the wife should choose to carry that special smile for her husband in her lips, which can melt even the hardest times.