Some days back a husband and wife came to Kalyanamalai office to register the profile of their second daughter for marriage. After registering the profile, they requested us to get her a suitable match from a small family and not from big a joint family. The mother explained that they married their 1st daughter to a groom from a joint family and she is not happily living and don’t want their second daughter to suffer the similar fate. The father voluntarily further explained the present status of their first daughter as below.
Ours is a small and very closely knitted family consisting of my wife and two daughters. Though, my first daughter, after completing her B.E. Computer science, wanted to join an employment, I got her married to a good alliance that came in our way. She was married into a little bigger family consisting of three brothers and a daughter. Though my son-in-law was well qualified, he did not opt for any outside employment and engaged in a family business along with his father and two brothers. None of the brothers including my son-in-law had no separate income of their own. It was only the joint family income used by every one. The mother-in-law managed the expenses of the family.
Since, the house had enough servants, my daughter was never burdened with work and every one treated my daughter with respect and affection. But my daughter was not happy because her father-in-law do not want her to go for an employment. Her husband, while did not support her request also got angry when she hinted her desire to go separately to have a life of their own.
He further said, now my daughter is mentally stressed and she wanted to have a free life of her own, even if it is going to cost her married life. While continuing on the topic the mental agony and pain suffered by the parents was very much visible in their faces and explicit in their words.
of late we come across more such parents especially those who marry their daughters in a joint family. Such parents instead of toeing their daughter must learn to play a very positive role in correcting and shaping the thought process of their daughter. They must explain her that it will take at least a year or two for anyone to get adjusted to a joint family environment, especially to those who were brought up in an independent environment. Under such circumstances, once she learns to get adjusted, it will go a long way in shaping her own family after the marriage of all the brothers. They can further tell her to stay patient and divert her energy into more positive ways. One such way is to subtly let her intention to her in-laws to help in the family business by sharing the business work. Such a volunteering act though may meet some initial resistance, but will ultimately become practical and further will help her to be with her husband at the office and spend her time productively helping her family.
It is a sad fact that the present day couple seeks divorce even for the most trivial reasons as immediate redress. Some of those reasons they assume as bothering them may not lost long all through their life. The couple who seek divorce should remember that no divorce is possible without valid reasons and proof. Except the rarest of rare cases the divorce is given only after a fixed period of time. No judiciary will entertain such hastily filed of divorce applications.
We have a piece of advice for such couples. We request them to develop faith in themselves and their life. We suggest them to seek the help of their close friends or relatives before venturing any such life impacting decision. In most of the cases wise counseling by a psychiatrist will come handy to analyze and understand the correctness of their decisions.
Above you all you need enough patience and belief within yourselves that things will go smoothly. Try that and it will be more worthier than trying for a divorce.