Recently I visited Mumbai for the marriage of one of my close relative. Though I lived in Mumbai before, during the initial years of my official service, the changes the city underwent in all the years, really baffled me. A number of my relatives living in various parts of India and some of them from abroad, also came to attend the marriage. When all of us were sitting and enjoying a lively discussion, I was particularly drawn to a concept suggested by one of my close relatives. I know him and his wife very well and always observed them sharing a special kind of relationship between them. Yes, they enjoyed a kind of one to one friendship between them.
Most of us are only aware of developing love and more love after the marriage and thought such development sustains and improves the relationship between the couple. In real terms it is not so. If you keenly observe the successfully married couple you will find them enjoying a kind of unique friendship between them and not love. It is important to remember a healthy friendship is always endowed with lots of love and not vice versa.
Most of the time, the newly married couple, fail to nurture the initial love into a friendship, instead they involve into further loving. The developed love normally does not create the much-needed passion between the couple. The continuing of love based married life, though maintains the intimacy between the couple in the early years, it quickly pales off as the years go by. While, a healthy friendship like relationship which is not based on expectations lasts long, a pure love based on mutual expectations crumbles, when such expectations are not met.
A marriage based on love alone often does not look beyond it. The couple continuing in such a marriage, will continue to nurture their own liking and disliking. They will not hesitate to show their fuss in case of disagreements. Most of the time a marriage devoid of friendship will lead to ego clashes with issues such as who contributes most to the running of family or who shows more love between them. Even trivial issues between them will grow beyond proportions, leading to terrible misunderstanding. At one stage the couple will try to suppress their own feelings fearing dominance or bickering by the partner. Such occurrences always allow the dominant partner to take over the family reigns.
On the contrary, a marriage based on a more close friendship, will quickly learn the benefits of following a give and take policy. Such couple will not try to be possessive of their domain and will not hesitate to allow the other partner to enter it. At the same time such a friendship will not demand to encroach the privacy of the partner and will not feel offended for not knowing about it. Couple with a developed friendship will share opinions freely and will not hesitate to comment on the other. They will go through the troubled times together, take genuine interest to know the problem of the other and take right steps to solve it. While sharing the burdens they will try to cheer up the other, thus making their life less complicated.
If you are already married or going to marry, more than loving your spouse, try to understand her/him fully. Develop a friendship showing genuine care, try to listen and talk, heartily give an assurance that you will stand together facing all the trials and tribulations. Infuse confidence and try to share the responsibilities without making a fuss. You will sure quickly develop a lasting friendship with your partner and lead a happy life for rest of your married life.