Few days back when I went to Spencer Plaza, Chennai with my wife, I saw a couple frantically waving their hand asking us to stop. My wife could immediately recognize them as Rajan and Sreeja and called them by name. Then I remembered them as my friend Ganesh’s daughter and son-in-law. Both of them were looking jubilant, made enquiries about us and out daughter living in Australia and told us they have come from gulf on a months leave. We enquired about their parents and my wife invited them home for dinner during the week end, which they readily agreed. When we expressed our happiness to meet them and find them enjoying their life happily, immediately both Rajan and Sreeja said, uncle we owe it to you. We still remember what you have told us nine years back about building mutual trust and we follow it heartily.
I remembered telling them about, how building of trust between the couple, plays an important role in the making of a happy marriage and how It helps to develop an intimate relationship between the wife and the husband. I also told them that such trust can be achieved only by building a secure emotional space between them. Let me sum up what I shared with them here.
Develop right communication skills
Most of the tricky and complicated issues start for the newly weds, when they fail to communicate properly. Remember, if you want to communicate better you must the master the art of listening. Listening to your spouse, without interrupting, is an art and it can be developed only, when you have patience. It is not that complicated. You must learn the technique of recalling and repeating what your spouse said. Don’t get doubts because it really works. When you repeat what your spouse said to ensure that you listened to what he/she said fully, it will give him/her a kind of satisfaction.
Be positive in your approach
Try to please your spouse with your positive approach. Positive approach always develop positive thoughts, positive feelings and gives positive results. Never allow negative thoughts and actions encroach your life. If you fail to eradicate them fully, at least try to keep the percentage of your negative thoughts to the minimum level.
Allow an easy atmosphere to prevail
Try to find out and remove any chocking interruptions that will prevent your spouse from expressing freely. Learn to provide an easy atmosphere for him/her to talk without inhibitions. Most of the people don’t express their mind freely for two reasons. Either they may feel ashamed of expressing their mind or they may lack the confidence to express what they feel. In both the cases, the spouse can encourage and provide an easy atmosphere to express.
Build trust on priority
The task of building trust should begin with all earnestness from the first day of the marriage. It is often seen people continuing with trust related issues always suffer from short lived marriages. Developing mutual trust devoid of lying, extra-marital sex, and intimate interactions in social media should be the priority of the newly married couple.
Resolve the issues without any issues
Once you find issues and resentments between you, which can play a spoil sport in the marriage, try to resolve them at the earliest. Unresolved issues always foster resentments between the couple, leading to strains in mutual understanding.
Fighting fair is your right
A lasting marriage will also include some levels of fighting between the couple. But such fights should be for fair causes because unfair causes will destroy the very basis of trust. The fair fight include only fighting on current issues without dragging on the old ones, without aligning uninvolved family members in the issue and without using derogatory remarks. Remember to keep the fights to the absolute minimum level and never allow the fights drag beyond a single day.
Lastly always do a period self assessment of your behavior and never allow it to overshadow your spouse. Once both the spouses develop the right trust on the other, the marriage will enjoy a smooth sailing.