Kalyanamalai Vivaha Prarthana & One Crore Nama Archana to Benefit Marriage Aspirants

Vivaha PrarthanaIn India, from ancient times marriage has been given a special place and respect in our culture and tradition. It is the earnest desire of every parent to fix up the marriage of their daughter or son at the right age with a suitable life partner. Though every parent aspires to complete the marriage easily in time, for some of them it becomes difficult and drive the parents to a mentally traumatic condition. The parents, while praying for an early marriage in their family also pray for a good bride or groom for the lifelong happiness. Such parents start performing pariharams and special prayers at the designated temples known to bless for an early marriage.

It is proven fact that joint or collective prayers offer more benefits than an individual prayer. The VIVAHA PRARTHANA program initiated by Kalyanamalai is one such attempt to benefit immediate fruitful marriage to all those waiting for a marriage. In the arranged program the marriage aspirant or the parents will get the benefit of performing archana to Swayamvara Parvathi Devi by pronouncing her 1008 holy names using flowers. The Koti archana is completed by the participation of 10000 devotees. After the completion every 1008 holy names archana Maha Deepam is shown and neivethyam (offering) is performed. The mass prayer not only benefits the marriage aspirants with early immediate marriage, also blesses them with a happy married life.

Kalyanamalai MNC VEL Kalyana MandapamFor the benefit of all the wedding aspirants Kalyanamalai has arranged for a VIVAHA PRARTHANA – Koti Nama Archana at Kalyanamalai MNC VEL Kalyanamandapam on 8th March Sunday. The pooja starts at 7.00 AM on that day is expected to get concluded around 4.00 PM in the evening. All the marriage aspirants and parents assembled at the venue for the pooja will be asked perform sankalpam mentioning their name or the name of their closed ones to get the real benefit of Pooja.

Experienced, learned and well-trained Vedic scholars will start the pooja with traditional invocation to Maha Ganapathi. In the Swayamvara Parvathy Pooja, the goddess Parvathy and God Siva will be presented as Kokilambal and Udvaganathar of Thirumanancheri, where, the marriage of them is supposed to have taken place. While, the marriage aspirants and parents use flowers to perform the archana, the Vedic Scholars will use gold dipped Swarna Kamalams, to perform the archana. All the 10000 participants will use the given Vivaha Prarthana pooja procedure booklet to perform the pooja. They will sit in an arranged order and use flowers to perform the 1008 nama archana. Prasadam will be distributed to the participants after the completion of every 1008 nama archana.

In every Vivaha Prarthana event we see the number of people making sankalpam is increasing. It clearly indicates the growing level of faith for the Vivaha prarthana pooja and the ever-increasing level of beneficiaries.

For the benefit of the participants Kalyanamalai has arranged for pickup  services from various locations of the city. Come and join us at the Vivaha Prarthana on 8th March 2015 at MNC VEL Kalyanamandapam, Muthu Koundanputhur (opposite to Sular Railway Station), Coimbatore.

Call 98408 91400 / 98408 91300 for details.

Marriage Makes Men and Women More Responsible and Contribute to Control Sexual Crimes

Nirbhaya, the name will bring in vivid memories of a brutal gang rape that took place in New Delhi and shocked India. Nothing has changed even after two years of the incident, which took place on December 16th 2012. The young physiotherapy intern travelling with her male friend got beaten up and gang raped in a moving private bus. A team of lustful and mindless young men have robbed her dream and shattered the hope of her family. In a similar incident, more than 60 men took their turn to molest two women in Mumbai and girl students including a foreign tourist, were ill-treated in known cities such as Kochi and in Patna.

Such news items appear almost every day in news papers, makes the reader appalled. Never a day goes, without the sensational news about someone ravaging the modesty of a woman or women in some part of India or other. When I read such news it makes me mentally freeze at least for a moment and I feel sad. Why there is a spurt in such news in the papers now-a-days? Why such news items have become a regular feature in a country that is known to have given highest respect to women? Where we are heading for? But, there are no immediate answers for the questions.

Anyone who is familiar with our epics Ramayana and Mahabharata will remember the amount of importance given to the leading characters such as Sita and Draupati. Those who know the north Indian and south Indian history will immediately recall the names of Jhansi Bhai or Rani Mangammal, well-known queens, who fought the English invaders.

Our Vedic scriptures were univocal about women’s significance in a society. The scriptures have categorically stated that any country that wants to come out from the clutches of its evil forces and make progress should always depend upon its women. In India women were also known as Shakti, a divine force that determines the good and bad happenings around us. Though, the medieval period saw a decline in power and the societal importance given to women. Again, the turnaround was found in the first part of the 20th century due to continuous reformations in society and more women opting for higher education.

The National Crime Records Bureau (NCRB), statistics state that from 2487 cases in 1971 the number of reported rape cases have gone up to 24206, a whopping 873.3%. India, once a conservative country has opened up for globalization for its economic growth. The opened flood gates enabled more foreign collaborations to build manufacturing facilities within India and boosted the economic and employment opportunities. The country became more liberal to accommodate and accord social acceptance to love marriages, homosexuality, pre-marital sex and live-in-relationship. Introduction of BPO working culture while generated more employment opportunities created further dimensions to the relationship between men and women.

A look into most of the rape cases will reveal, the dreadful offices against women were either committed by never married or divorced men. Men are always known to crave for a passionate relationship to share their love. Only a marriage whether arranged or love-marriage will give that increased passion and love to them. Marrying at the right age while offer them love and affection also will increase their responsibilities towards the family.

The parents play a vital role in encouraging their children to marry at the right age and arrange for it.

Learn to Treat Your Spouse as Your Friend for a Lasting Marriage

Recently I visited Mumbai for the marriage of one of my close relative. Though I lived in Mumbai before, during the initial years of my official service, the changes the city underwent in all the years, really baffled me. A number of my relatives living in various parts of India and some of them from abroad, also came to attend the marriage. When all of us were sitting and enjoying a lively discussion, I was particularly drawn to a concept suggested by one of my close relatives. I know him and his wife very well and always observed them sharing a special kind of relationship between them. Yes, they enjoyed a kind of one to one friendship between them.

Most of us are only aware of developing love and more love after the marriage and thought such development sustains and improves the relationship between the couple. In real terms it is not so. If you keenly observe the successfully married couple you will find them enjoying a kind of unique friendship between them and not love. It is important to remember a healthy friendship is always endowed with lots of love and not vice versa.

Most of the time, the newly married couple, fail to nurture the initial love into a friendship, instead they involve into further loving. The developed love normally does not create the much-needed passion between the couple. The continuing of love based married life, though maintains the intimacy between the couple in the early years, it quickly pales off as the years go by. While, a healthy friendship like relationship which is not based on expectations lasts long, a pure love based on mutual expectations crumbles, when such expectations are not met.

A marriage based on love alone often does not look beyond it. The couple continuing in such a marriage, will continue to nurture their own liking and disliking. They will not hesitate to show their fuss in case of disagreements. Most of the time a marriage devoid of friendship will lead to ego clashes with issues such as who contributes most to the running of family or who shows more love between them. Even trivial issues between them will grow beyond proportions, leading to terrible misunderstanding. At one stage the couple will try to suppress their own feelings fearing dominance or bickering by the partner. Such occurrences always allow the dominant partner to take over the family reigns.

On the contrary, a marriage based on a more close friendship, will quickly learn the benefits of following a give and take policy. Such couple will not try to be possessive of their domain and will not hesitate to allow the other partner to enter it. At the same time such a friendship will not demand to encroach the privacy of the partner and will not feel offended for not knowing about it. Couple with a developed friendship will share opinions freely and will not hesitate to comment on the other. They will go through the troubled times together, take genuine interest to know the problem of the other and take right steps to solve it. While sharing the burdens they will try to cheer up the other, thus making their life less complicated.

If you are already married or going to marry, more than loving your spouse, try to understand her/him fully. Develop a friendship showing genuine care, try to listen and talk, heartily give an assurance that you will stand together facing all the trials and tribulations. Infuse confidence and try to share the responsibilities without making a fuss. You will sure quickly develop a lasting friendship with your partner and lead a happy life for rest of your married life.

Take the Right Steps for the Lasting Happy Married Life

Few weeks back I attended a social gathering and met a number of my old friends with their families. Most of the couple who came for the function were married for over 15 to 25 years and some of them for more than 30 years. I observed the following as the success of their marriage.

Give a sweet burial to the bad past

You must learn to accept and practice in not making your present and future a reminder of your bad past. Never allow your bad past to ruin your present. You must discover ways take on the changes without allowing your anger to haunt you, fear or disappointment retentivities of the past taking over you. Learn to bury your bad past and never allow it to step-in to your present or the future. In such a way you will be left with only sweet memories of life.

Learn to forgive

You may find it odd if I suggest you forgiving helps you to lead a happy life. It is difficult to see someone who is not offended and badly hurt by others in life. Similar incident might have taken place in your life too. You might have suffered a mental hurt that is strong enough to justify a fitting retaliation. May be you are waiting for such an occasion. But learn to just forgive him/her. You don’t need to go personally to that person, your one time friend, enemy, relative, boss in the office or your neighbor and utter the words. Just do it mentally when you are calm. Take a few minutes to say it loudly within yourself and take a vow to not to remember it. It will make wonders to you to take away the bitterness from your heart and mind.

Put up things in place

You may find it queer if I mention that remaining tidy really keeps you happy and healthy. Just rewind your mind to recall on how many days you were late to the college or office because you did not remember where you left the bike key or car key? How many times you paid fine to the library for not returning the book in time? How many times you missed an important marriage muhurtham or an office function because your forgot the place where you kept your power glass? .the dress you wanted to wear for the occasion was not found. All such incidents would have messed up your day, stressed you more and made you helpless. Just take a little time to keep things in the alloted places every day. You will find a total change in your approach and you will never be late for any occasion.

Shed your inhibitions

Never allow your marriage life to make you subdued or inhibited. Share your favorite passions and pastimes with your life partner and listen to their sharing. If you are lucky your partner may also enjoy similar passions and pastimes.If not don’t get disheartened, try to continue yours without encroaching your partner’s interest or time. Do not miss the movie of your favorite actor, or a meet with your school day friends. Never miss the program of your favorite drama troupe or dance troupe or the cricket match of a visiting team. If you are fond of wearing a jeans pant and tee-shirt or a simple plain saree, just wear it. If a long walk at the beach or an early morning prayer at the temple brings you solace just continue it without waiting for some one to join you.

Try to have a Hobby

It is essential to develop and have a hobby that has no relationship with your daily routine or your career. You may join a cookery or paint class or just a language learning class. You may even start collecting various country coins or stamps. If you have enough space to develop a kitchen garden just try it. You may also try to spend your time in teaching others what you know very well.

Learn to save

Choose a day to leave out your smoking, gambling, tobacco chewing or just spending money on new cloth buying habit. If you are successful then try to choose some other habit that is draining your money source. Start saving the money saved from stopping such habits.

Eat the Right food

Change your food habits as you grow old. Remember your choice of food plays a major role in your health maintenance. Avoid the food items that cause excessive gas, heaviness in stomach or heart burn. Change over to fibrous and easily digestible less fatty foods that won’t clog your arteries. Add fresh fruits, sprouted grains and good amount of water in your daily diet.

Sleep healthily

Try to enjoy a minimum of seven hours of blissful sleep every day. Walking in the evening, finishing your simple dinner at least two hours before your sleep time, drinking milk and a warm bath before bed are some of the good sleep inducers, try them for a good night sleep. Never go for self medication of sleeping tablets. Keep your mind calm by listening to soothing music.

Kalyanamalai Enters 15th Year – a Grand Celebration

15thyear_img1The year 2014 is distinctly significant for Kalyanamalai. Firstly, it assumed the new name KM Wedding Events Management (P) Ltd for its Indian operations, to befit its new wedding and wedding arrangement related roles. Secondly, it opened up KM Wedding Events Management Inc., USA, to cater to the marriage fixing and wedding arrangement needs of South Indian Diasporas living in the USA. Most importantly the KM Wedding Events Management Inc. USA has become the first Indian matrimonial company to get listed in NASDAQ and traded.

The Kalyanamalai program, which has been running continuously for fourteen years on SUN TV, celebrated its entry into the 15th year and the completion of 2,50,000 marriages in a befitting way, on 3rd and 4th October 2014, at Kamaraj Arangam, Anna Road, Chennai. To benefit the wedding aspirants with an early marriage ‘Kalyanamalai Shooting’ and ‘Mega Swayamvaram’ programs were held on both the days. Good number wedding aspirants from the noted communities have participated in the Mega Swayamvaram and some of them were lucky to meet their future life partners at the hall itself. Similarly, sizable number of wedding aspiring brides and grooms took part in the Kalyanamalai SUN TV shooting, got introduced by Kalyanamalai Mohan and expressed their aspirations about their future life partners. The program, which enjoys over 90% success rate, is expected to benefit most of them.

First Day Program

The evening program on 3rd October, started with a devotional prayer. Thirumathi Meera Nagarajan the CEO and Executive Director of KM Matrimony delivered the welcome address. Thiru K. Sivakumar, Managing Director, RmKV, inaugurated the function with the lighting of the Kuthuvilakku and talked on the role of Kalyanamalai in arranging the marriages. Thiru Ila Ganesan, BJP leader and Chief Guest of the day, talked in length about the marriages, role of Kalyanamalai in arranging the marriages and his association with the organisation. Thiru T S Krishnamurthy, former election commissioner, recalled his first meeting with Mr.Mohan and praised the role of Kalyanamalai. Thiru M. N. Krishnamani, former president of Delhi Tamil Sangam, remembered his attending the Kalyanamalai programs held at New Delhi. Thiru Suresh Venkatachari, who played a major role in establishing the USA operations of Kalyanamalai, shared his experience with Kalyanamalai. Similarly, Thiru Pyramid Natarajan recalled how Kalyanamalai took shape and made progress to reach and establish its present status. Thiru Kalyanamalai Mohan honored the guests and advertisers by presenting shawls and mementos. Thirumathi Meera Nagarajan thanked the sponsors and advertisers for their role in organizing the function.


15thyear_img2On the evening of 3rd October an interesting Pattimandram lead by cinema and drama fame S. Vee.Sekar was held. Pattimandram exponents like Thiru. Madurai Muthu, Thirumathi. Soumiya, Prof.Sundharavalli, Thiru. Sivakumar, Thiru. Baski and Thiru. Seshadhri took part in it. The chosen pattimandram topic Uravugal Pinnip pinainthullatha allathu vittu vilagiyullathaa’ (whether the personal relationship of today is closer than before or drifting away) offered enough scope to the participating speakers to show their oratorical skills. While, Madurai Muthu, Prof Sundaravalli and Soumia emphasized that relationships have become more closer now a days, Seshadri, Baski and Sivakumar presented a different picture. S. Vee. Sekar, conducted the proceedings in his own inimitable fashion, thus bringing peels of continuous laughter from the audience. With his lively and timely interventions, Sekar kept the audience in joyous mood all through the show. Finally, he talked in length on the existing relationships from all the angles and with a heavy heart gave his verdict that relationships are no more intact and started drifting away. The participating audience had a good and enjoyable evening.

Second Day Program

The second day evening program Nalamariya Aaval, a Special Talk Show, started with a prayer song by Karnataka Sangeetha Vidwan Sikkil G Gurucharan.  Thiru N Murali, MD, Krishna Sweets, Thiru Suresh Venkatachari, Managing Partner, Unifina Partners, Thiru S.T.Gopal, Zonal Head, IndusInd bank, Thiru A.R.Kannan, Chief Manager, ICICI Bank and Thiru Karthik Subramanian, Founder & CEO, Purple Stream, graced the occasion, light the Kuthuvilakku and spoke a few words. Thiru Vijaya Bhaskar, Director, thanked the advertisers and sponsors and Thiru K Sridhar, Director, thanked the invitees and audience present at the function.

The thoughtfully arranged special talk show – Nalamariya Aaval included topics on the evils that plague the society and called for the ways to overcome such evils in order to lead a pleasant and happy life. The large audience present at the auditorium listened to the speeches of well-known oratorical specialists such as Thiru Suki Sivam, Thiru Indira Soundarajan, Dr. G. Sivaraman, Thiru Raja, and Thirumathi Bharathi Baskar and conveyed their appreciation through continuous claps. Thirumathi Meera Nagarajan, whose name also figured among the speakers, could not deliver her speech due to paucity of time.

15thyear_img3Thiru Indira Soundarajan spoke on the topic Irai Nambikkai (belief in god). His free flow of talk with right anecdotes enthralled the audience and every one present appreciated his conclusion that belief in god not only guides us but also brings us mental solace.

Dr.Sivaraman, who is well-known for his passion to keep our food heritage, delivered his speech on the subject Unavu Paarambariam. He talked in length about our heritage foods and how they shaped the lives of our ancestors to live a disease free life. He provided examples to explain, how our changing food habits are making people sick, with cholesterol and sugar related problems. He suggested various ways, to change from our present food habits, to our own traditional food varieties, to lead a healthy life.

Thirumathi Bharathi Bhaskar conveyed her thoughts on Samooga Aram (Social Ethics). Her emotional talk on the evils of the society and how such evils keeps the common citizen in tender hooks, kept everyone in spell-bound. She did not mince her words, to express surprise on some of the political fall outs and its consequences.

Thiru Pattimandram Raja, who was known for his witty talks, chose to talk on the subject Ilaya Samuthayam (Younger Generation). He spoke in length about the younger generation, on how they behave and what they lack. While, he was appreciative of their intelligence in handling the technology, he was equally vocal about how the same technology, if not rightly handled, will lead to their downfall. He cautioned the parents and suggested them to have a friendly approach with the younger generation at home.

Thiru Suki Sivam delivered his speech on the role of women in shaping the society under the title Penne Nee Vazhga. He talked in length about the characters to be assumed by them in tackling some of the growing evils. He described the ways in which a woman can bring changes in the family and in turn in the society. He explained about, how the effective role of her will benefit the society in large and in turn the country. His fluent and articulated Tamil presentation helped everyone to understand the subject easily and appreciate his efforts.

At the end of the program, Thiru Kalyanamalai Mohan made an emotional appeal to the audience present at the auditorium, to play their effective part in eradicating the plaguing evils of the society. He expressed his elation on the fine presentations made under the topics and thanked the speakers.

While the first day evening program, enthralled the audience present at the auditorium with enjoyment and laughter, the second day program, kindled the finer inner feelings of the audience and made them feel emotional. Everyone present on the day, univocally appreciated the effort of Kalyanamalai in presenting the thoughtful topic Nalamariya Aaval and left the auditorium with a contented feeling.

Our special thanks go to RmKV, who supports us in all our events and programs. We extend our hearty thanks to the sponsors and advertisers of our 15th year inauguration M/s.Malar Properties, IndusInd Bank, Purple Knot, Lalitha Jewellers, ICICI Bank, Vivah, Sri Krishna Sweets, Shree’s, Corporation Bank, Chennai Doc, Vijayaram Coffee and Athithi.

The New Joint Family System – Let us Welcome the Emerging Scenario

marriageI was born and brought up in a joint family system of yesteryear. I can still recall the happy times I had with my cousin brothers and sisters and my aunt’s children. We lived in a big, old style, tiled house in Royapettah, Chennai. The house was having a big garden, where we maintained a cow and a Buffalo and grew all kinds of vegetables. When my father got transfer to a city in another state, my education was not disturbed, my uncle took care of me and my sister. I did not miss my parents and got the same care and affection from my uncle. That was how most of the people of my times enjoyed the joint family set up.

I am sure, you will not dispute me if I comment that our joint family system of yesterdays offered more learning opportunities, for the children to learn and get practical knowledge. It also taught them some of the best principles of life, such as, adjustment, working in a group, tolerance and above all patience to listen others. The children also became knowledgeable, about collective responsibility, flexibility, and had ownership on what they did.

Last Generation

The quality education received by the parents of last generation, enabled both the husband and wife to work and earn for the family. Though, such an earning offered them necessary financial cushion to run the family comfortably, they felt guilty of being away from the children. The grand parents lend their help in managing the children, though most often they got shunted between the other children of their own.

Formation of Nuclear Families

The two or single child norm adopted by the last generation parents had resulted in the formation more nuclear families. The financial and resource constraints, made it mandatory for both the parents to work and earn for the family and be away from the children. Most often the single child in a nuclear family missed the closeness and proximity of its parents. The parents in turn feeling guilty of their being away from the child or children often tried to over pamper them.

Present Generation

The current generation, most of them from the nuclear families, do not want to loose the independence they enjoyed after the marriage. The quality of education received by them and the present day employment opportunities available for them help them to earn handsomely than their parents. A good majority of the present day generation couple are employed and look forward to lead an independent life of their own. The nuclear family set up under which they were brought up did not benefit them to learn tolerance and joint living. Most of them look forward to live separately, do not feel guilty about it and even express it firmly.

Elder Generation Parents

The parents, who are not financially well off, suffer the ignominy of ill-treatment. Though unmindful of the sufferings they manage to get pleasure in the company of the grand children and lend a hand in the home management, still they become unwanted and ignored. Most of the senior citizens among them end-up in old-age homes.

Those who are financially well-to-do, though want to stay and live happily close to their own son, daughter and grand children, they do not want to get exploited by their own children. They express reservations about becoming honorable servants at their son or daughter homes, to manage the children and look after the chores at the house. They do not want such an arrangement to encroach their privacy and liberty to do things on their own.

Welcome Changes

The trend is currently changing. Even those who grew-up and lived in a nuclear family set up look forward to have the elders at home to take care of the family. Most of them give respect to their elders in managing the family affairs and the grand children without encroaching their day-to-day works, while the couple want to have the freedom of taking their personal decisions without intrusion. This set up also enables the seniors to l set their own preconditions, while enjoying the proximity to their grand son or daughter.

The Best Ever

However, what attracted me most is, a different kind of joint family set up that is emerging slowly. This setup, enables the parents of the married couple to live under a single roof. Both the in-laws with a commitment to continue and take the joint family benefits to the next generation, learn to live under a single roof. They learn to have little or no touchy points between them and even such unintended intrusions are ignored sportively. They develop undisputed faith between themselves and try to offer the best of love to the grand child/children and teaches them the good values of life.

Such an arrangement works very well in the events if both the couple are posted abroad or chose to live there. They can work with an assured mindset and without any guilt because their parents are safe at home under the care of the other.

Establishing such an arrangement is not very difficult. It only requires a positive thinking by both the parents. They must shed their personal ego, discuss and iron out the touchy points, develop faith and belief on the other, identify their common interest as welfare of their children, which intern will also benefit in their personal welfare during the twilight years.

I personally wish more such joint families should emerge in future.

Help More Elderly People to Participate in Your Family Marriages and Bless the Couple

ElderlyPeopleFew weeks back, I attended the marriage of one of my close relatives daughter. Since the marriage was  held on a Sunday, I could spent more time at the wedding hall with all my relatives.

The parents of both the bride and groom were very close family friends. Both the fathers have joined the same government office together on the same day, continue to work there and live in the accommodation provided by the office, in the city. Similarly, both the mothers, though remain as house wives, also became very close due to the closeness of their husbands and due to their living in the same place. Fortunately for the parents, who were looking forward to take their friendship to the next level, the horoscope compatibility of the children, the working environment and their ready acceptance for the marriage, have all worked in their favor, to arrange the family marriage happily.

When I entered the marriage hall with my wife, I came across so many elderly people. There were over 200 of them occupying the front row chairs and watching the marriage from the vantage point. Most of them were in the age group of 65 to 75 and some of them were 80 years and above. Most of them came to attend the marriage with their spouse. I could meet some of my own old relatives, whom I have not seen for several years.

They were all engaged in an enlivened discussion among themselves. Some of them were wearing hearing aids, while, others were using their hands over their ears to grasp all the sound. I could see some of them with missing dentures; some with false dentures and for some, it was all missing. However, what I saw common in all of them was the happiness of meeting their own close relatives and friends after a long time. All of them appeared to have lost several years in their age and showed enthusiasm in meeting every one.

Inquisitive about the presence of so many elders at the marriage, I asked my relative, the girl’s father about it and his reply made me feel all the more happy. He said, ‘we want to take our friendship, closeness and now the becoming of relatives beyond to ourselves to all our relatives and friends. Especially, we were more concerned about the elderly ones and wanted every one of our aged relatives to attend the marriage. We took pain to collect the addresses, distributed the invitation in person and even arranged for monetary and physical support to some of our relatives, who really needed them to attend the marriage. Now, you can see all of them are here to bless the couple, getting to know each other and meeting their own close ones, whom they did not meet for years.

I was able to see more than what he has explained to me. First of all, the parents by arranging the marriage on a Sunday, have helped all the elderly relatives to attend the marriage with their son, daughter or some other close relative. Even those on medications for issues such as BP, Sugar and others were able to make it, because someone accompanied them to the marriage and to help them in taking the medicines regularly.

After the muhurtham, both the parents have requested all the elderly relatives to assemble in a single place and asked the bride and groom to seek their blessings. That was the finest hour for all of them. I could see every one of them close their eyes, pray to their own choice of god and blessed the couple from their heart.

For most of the elderly people, who were not finding a person of their age, to listen to their woes, joys and other gossips, the marriage provided a real occasion to find their peers and vent their mind. In the marriage, they were always able to find someone to listen to their pilgrimage tales or air plane travel and stay in a foreign country with their grand children.

They all could get time to know further about the newly weds in each other’s family, their grand children and more. They heartily blessed the younger ones that sought their blessings. The elderly women, were able to indulge in all gossips to know about the married and unmarried ones in the families, to find a suitable match for their grand son or daughter.

Lastly, I was happy to find that both the parents, having invited a number of elderly relatives, also have made the best of arrangements to make their stay comfortable. The arrangements include food arrangements at the ground floor, special sugarless sweets, easily digestible food varieties, emergency medicines and an on call doctor. It was a wonderful experience for me and a day to remember.

I am looking forward to attend more such marriages.

Let not Your Lost Love Linger in You ! Learn to Love the One You Marry!!

LearnLoveThe couple Lakshmanan and Indira was known to me for several years. I have seen their only daughter Rajini, growing up with all the charms bundled with intelligence. The couple, though highly placed in the society, has brought up Rajini as a lovable girl, without pampering her ego. After completing her MBA finance from a leading educational institution, she joined the top level managerial position in a much respected MNC.

Her parents, who always respected her thought process heartily accepted her love with a Bengali boy her decision to get married to him. But, they cautioned her against making any hasty progress and making her love public. Though Rajini was very much in love with the boy, her parents cautioning words and her intelligence helped her to make her progress step by step. She avoided both secluded and public meetings with the boy. Her cautious approach did not amuse the boy much or matched his boisterous advances. When Rajini conveyed him the willingness and consent of her parents to perform the marriage with the blessings of his parents, he did not react to the idea positively. Instead, he tried to convince Rajini to continue their love for at least two years, before taking a final decision on marriage. He added, that the two-year period will allow them to understand each other and take an appropriate decision on the marriage then.

Rajini did not like the idea of postponing the marriage for two years and was not convinced by his arguments. Rajini was in deep love with the boy and was certainly baffled about the suggestion. She became worried about continuing the love affair for two years and wait for an uncertain outcome.  Her persuasions did not convince the boy and at one stage he avoided talking with her and even got a transfer to another city without her knowledge. The sudden developments sank the spirits of Rajini, made her feel depressed and reclusive even from her parents.

But her intelligence and the support received from her parents helped her to shake off her past love to live a full life. Unlike a good number of men and women who silently suffer from the trauma of love failure and its impacts in their personal relationship within the family and the productivity at the work place, she was able to overcome her trauma by taking the following positive steps.

Taking time for the healing process

Her supportive parents helped her and encouraged her decision to take long leave from the office to recover from the trauma. They allowed her to have total privacy to sort out the details all by herself. She was able to reconcile and understand that a single bad event in her life should not rob her whole life and keep her traumatized lifelong.

Do Self introspection

She underwent a kind of self introspection to understand her conduct and desires. She clearly understood that she can shake off her guilt only by self forgiving and she did just that. She did not deny the truth that she was the prime instrument for her sufferings and she and she alone should work to overcome it by self forgiving. Her strong mental attitude enabled her to defy the trauma and the act of staying with constant fear. Her mind became clear and she was able to get over her guilty feeling.

Improve the interactions

Rajini did not take much time to shake off her mental self and become normal. Her increased interactions with the colleagues in the office and participation in the office work enabled her to gain the normalcy soon. Her mental grit enabled her to manage the probing looks in the office with ease and establish interactions.

Shun the past from dictating on the future

It is a fact that most of those who suffered a love failure will be haunted by the past. The weak mental attitude to shun the past and stopping its impact on the future is always a tough task to overcome. Rajini groomed herself mentally and developed an attitude to stay clear of her troubled past and never allowed it to loom over her bright future. Her approach and the advice she received from psychiatrists helped her to surmount the problem of her past eating over her future.

Living again with a new love

Her mental grit to live and lead a normal live helped her to overcome her love failure. She did not allow the depression of love failure to get into her, thrive and grow into her. She was able to listen to her parents to get married and love the person she married.




Inclined to Get Married – Get Prepared for it First

img1For the old timers especially for those who were born in 40s and 50s the very word preparing for the marriage may look very odd. Most of them underwent arranged marriages and even those who married on love never were having such compulsions or fixations of today to prepare for the marriage. But, believe me, for todays living conditions you need to prepare for the marriage both mentally and financially. It applies to both the would be husband and wife.

Remember the marriage is not for the boys and girls. It is for the mentally grown up men and women. Because, it will have an impact on your home, family, living style, followed cultures and customs and your own living style, you must get ready to undergo such changes.. The changes you will normally undergo after your marriage requires you to develop a kind of flexibility in your mindset. You must learn to and geared up to have an outlook that will not rebel but remain ready to compromise. Such a preparation becomes easy for those who have faith in the institution of marriage and the happiness it extends.

Understand your personal nature

Marriage brings in a true kind of relationship and a foundation for your life. Under the conditions it is essential to have self introspection to understand your own personal traits. When you want to find a right person as your partner in your married life, it is essential to understand what type of person you are. Try to learn about your likings, your habits, your personal traits, your selfless attitude, your nature of communication and ability to share your ideas and others. Do a simple introspection to find whether your personal traits matches your expectations on your life partner. Such an exercise will help you to correct your lacunae if any before the marriage.

Essential Traits

The researchers have identified the personal traits such as flexibility, extroversion, assertiveness, self-esteem, love and commitment as essentials for any person who look forward to get married and enjoy a successful married life. Similarly if the couples possesses the traits such as conflict management, power sharing, unanimity in ideas, uninterrupted clear communication skills, intimacy and sharing the responsibilities, they will be able to lead a happy married life. If you are planning to get married prepare yourself to acquire the missing traits in you.

Get financial empowerment

Unlike yesteryears where men alone were considered as breadwinners of the family, the changing times and technological innovations now helps both men and women to stay employed and earn to support the family. It is logical for them to have enough financial cushion before getting married. Also, they must envisage a long-term financial planning for the smooth running of the family.

Position yourself to assume responsibilities

It is essential for both men and women to positively place themselves to assume responsibilities. Remember the proper sphere or the extent of your activities will extend further after the marriage. After the marriage you may also have to assume the responsibility of your partner’s family. Here the responsibility does not denote just monetary sharing it is also includes the quality time you can spend with them to assume such responsibilities.


All those mentioned above are essential traits that will allow you to get engaged to enter into wedlock.

More Youngsters Prefer Arranged Marriage in India


On the other day a Professor from Chennai, employed in a leading American University, came to Kalyanamalai office with his wife. After registering his daughters profile, he initiated a discussion about the relevancy of arranged marriages in the current context. He wanted to know about the trend in the wake the changing preferences of younger generation. This blog is the result of the lively discussion I had with the couple.

Though there is a perceived trend about the love marriages, arranged marriages continue to play a leading role in India. The growing number of matrimonial web sites and the ever growing number of marriage seekers registering in such web sites, is a clear proof to show, the younger generation continue to prefer arranged marriages.

Parents favor arranged marriages

It is a fact that parents play a crucial role in fixing the marriage of their son or daughter. They go beyond the good looks of a would be bride or groom and consider other relevant aspects such as education and family background in arranging the marriage. Also, a growing number of parents who underwent love marriage, crossing caste and religion barriers, prefer their son or daughter to undergo an arranged marriage. Most of them do not want their son or daughter to go through the initial struggles and rejection they experienced in establishing the family.

Time Paucity and Consciousness of self identity

Except a miniscule minority, most of the younger generation, especially those in urban background, suffer from lack of quality time, to consider a serious love relationship that can lead to marriage. Also, increasing number of break in love relationship within their own office and between their own colleagues confuses them on such relationships. A number of them feel insecure to enter into a love relationship that can lead to marriage.

It is a fact that well qualified and highly placed men are women consider love marriage with their own colleagues a hindrance. They fear the concern about their own self identity or ego will play a spoilsport in the smooth going of their married life.

Arranged Marriages are not a stigma

Matured younger generation is uneasy about superfluous dating that serves no purpose. They are aware of the changing face of arranged marriages in India. Parents are more careful and do not force their marriage whims on their daughter or son. While, they value the traditions, they don’t hesitate to go beyond it, to assist their son or daughter to have to private face-to-face meeting with the would be life partner, before finalizing the marriage. Such an arrangement, while allowing their son or daughter to have a better understanding about their life partner, also provides the parents a sense of belonging in the marriage arrangements.


There is a change in the view of parents and they prefer to listen to their son or daughter before fixing the marriage. Such an understanding enables a son or daughter to discuss their would be partner preferences without inhibition before accepting the marriage proposal. The changed outlook presents a healthy sign in the acceptance of arranged marriages.